Not long ago a mother was shocked to be reunited with her daughter. Twenty years before, the child had been kidnapped. This is not an isolated story as it is one of many worldwide. We all want to believe that we live in a place where these things couldn’t possibly happen. However, one of the ways we best protect ourselves and our children is to prepare for the worst and live within guidelines designed to contribute to that safety.
A SEDUCTIVE FALSEHOOD
The most dangerous lie is the one you want to believe. These are lies that you believe because the truth would be uncomfortable. “Just go along with me, and you’ll be okay,” is a falsehood as aged as the first liar. You want to believe that you will not get hurt, so many people will obediently comply and face terrible consequences. The same thing happens when parents think that safety guidelines don’t apply to their own circumstance. To imagine that their child might be taken is nightmarish.
BE INFORMED, NOT FEARFUL
The first step towards helping your child stay safe is to realize that people who prey on children are looking for easy targets. Arm your children with the information they need to avoid being targeted and how to react if approached. Instead of being afraid, a child can gain confidence that he knows how to avoid dangerous circumstances and can immediately respond to an emergency.
USE EVERYDAY EXPERIENCES
Take the time to speak with your child about the definition of a stranger. Make a game of it and review what you have learned while going about your normal routine with your child.
• Demonstrate to your child how he can choose a safe stranger to ask for help in an emergency.
• Play a game with your child to help him remember who is a stranger. Don’t forget that strangers aren’t always scary, funny looking or old. Occasionally older children perpetrate crimes on younger children.
• Show your child safe places he can go to for help. These may include libraries, police stations, restaurants, stores, a trusted person’s home, etc.
• Observe people and talk about the difference between someone that is well-mannered and someone that is overly familiar. Help them identify when someone is ‘too’ nice or eerily perfect.
KNOWLEDGE YOUR CHILD SHOULD HAVE
• Someone your child doesn’t know is a stranger.
• NEVER go with a stranger, no matter how nice, even if it’s just for a short walk.
• Never go into a house, building or car with a stranger, no matter if they promise a reward, toy, candy or anything else, not even if the stranger knows their name. Instead, the child should loudly shout, “NO!” and run for help.
• It isn’t wrong to hit (and even injure) and adult if you are attacked. A child should be made to understand that it’s not a bad or rude thing to run away and get help.
• A child should never help adults who claim to be in trouble and in need of assistance. Yell, “NO!” Get away and go for help. If an adult needs help, he or she can ask another adult to assist. It is not okay for a grownup to approach a child for help.
Avoid suspicious scenarios such as:
• Someone with a leash looking for a lost puppy.
• Someone needing directions.
• People urging children to help with stalled automobiles.
• Someone asking for help to find something in a car or house.
Implement these as soon as possible:
• A secret word is one tool that can be used to signal a child that his parents have sent an approved individual. A child will know that even if the person knows his name, he shouldn’t go without hearing the secret word. Change the word often.
• Don’t fail to let your child know ahead of time when another person will be giving them a ride and who that person is.
• Make it a rule that your child will not accept a gift from someone they don’t know – especially when his parents aren’t present. Gifts offered when parents aren’t there should be refused. These items can be used as lures. Candies can be laced with drugs or harmful agents placed in gifts.
• They should trust their instincts. If a situation makes a child feel threatened tell him to run. They should run for help if they feel scared. By RUNNING to the nearest safe place, a child can then locate an adult and ASK FOR HELP.
• Set aside niceties and do whatever is necessary to secure your safety. • The greatest need is to be safe, not polite. It is better to be safe than sorry.
• Three R’s – Recognize, Respond and Report any stranger that makes them feel unsafe – IMMEDIATLEY.
ROLE PLAY; MAKE IT A GAME
• Take on the role of a stranger and pretend to ask for directions or try to get your child to help you find a lost pet.
• Show the children how to keep a safe distance – beyond arm’s reach.
• Practice running away for times when a stranger gets too close or grabs another child. Explain to your child the importance of getting help right away rather than staying there when another child Is grabbed.
• Practice with your child the art of yelling and screaming to attract attention.
• Practice with your child flailing and kicking to break a stranger’s hold.
• Demonstrate for your child how to use their fingers to claw at an abductor’s nose, ears, eyes or mouth.
BECOMING AN UNAPPEALING TARGET
• Train your children to remain in a group and look out for others.
• Remind your child that he should never go with someone that invites them to leave the group.
• When playing, your child should be in a group or with a safe buddy.
• Before a child leaves your home (or wherever you sent him), require that he check first with you.
• Organize parents in your neighborhood to teach their children these tips.
When you make these things part of your daily living, your child should not become fearful. Just as you would wear safety-belts in a car, look both ways at an intersection and wash hands before meals, these suggestions can be taught as part of ongoing well-being.
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