Provide Children with Alternatives to Avoid Tantrums

MTV Parental Control 2008* "Dotsan"

Most parents have encountered this situation at one time or another. Your child is doing something that is potentially dangerous, or annoying, and when you try to stop them they throw a tantrum.

How parents deal with these situations is one of the big questions of parenting. Children will develop social competence and self confidence if they are provided with tolerance and praise for their positive actions. But parents need to assert their authority and remain in charge.

The typical toddler will, on average, face up to 20 restrictions on their activities every hour. I daresay that you wouldn’t like to be told what to do every three minutes?

Parents often need to assert control when a child is doing what comes naturally but can be risky to them or to others around them. Playing with knives, bashing brothers or sisters with toys and fighting are all examples of how children will test their boundaries to investigate the world in which they live.

Providing the child with alternatives can be an excellent way to enable them to continue to investigate and learn. For example, you might simply exchange a metal knife for a plastic one or a spoon. Or demonstrating how much it can hurt to be poked in the eye.

Alternatives can provide an effective way to head off a potentially tense situation, but they don’t always work. The first thing to do is to acknowledge what the child is trying to achieve and then to introduce the alternative. Its then important to engage the child with the alternative by using it yourself and makign it appear more attractive than whatever they were doing previously.

There will be plenty of occasions when you will not be in a position or able to offer alternatives and these will serve to educate your child that the world has its limits. Providing yourr children with appealing alternatives to dangerous or harmful behavior can be a great way to develop a positive relationship and teach them that other options often exist.

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I recommend camping as a great way to bond with children, to provide them with freedom to investigate the world around them and engage with their parents or carers. But always remember to ensure safety by using the right camping equipment. You may like to take part in a bushcraft course where children will learn a variety of skills including how to handle a bushcraft knife, start a fire without matches and tracking skills.